When my 69 year old aunt passed away last week, she left behind a quiet house, a tough but faithful husband, a home filled with dogs, cats, chickens, and goats, and a life built on simple routines. Her husband, my uncle, is my father’s elder brother. They didn’t have children.

In the days after her passing, I noticed how often some relatives and friends would make conversations about who would look after my uncle, who would take care of their property, who would decide, and what should happen next. It made me reflect about living and dying without kids.

I’m one year into marriage and we don’t have a child yet. Losing my aunt made me question, “Should we have kids? What does life look like with children or without them?”

I watched my 75-year-old uncle prepare to live alone and felt the weight of companionship as he’s now in his older age.

At the same time, I see how the child-free conversation is opening up among Millennials and Gen Zs. Some of the reasons for this option is driven by careers, the cost of raising kids, the economy, and the state of our current world.

Even as more conversations about being child-free are happening online (Like those on Reddit), it’s still a sensitive choice in the Philippines. Research notes a persistent cultural expectation for married couples to have children and in a strongly family-oriented society, that norm can make the child-free path feel taboo if you’re a Filipino.

“You should have kids as soon as possible,” or “Give your mom a grandchild already.” If I could count the times I hear these comments from relatives, friends and neighbors after I got married, I could’ve been rich right now. It’s easier said than done.

Conceiving and bringing a soul in this world isn’t an easy switch and raising a child asks for one’s time, energy, resources, and a real support system. It truly takes a village with family, friends, and community to raise a kid. If you’re a parent right now, you know what I mean. Moreover, if you’re still discerning, it’s okay to say, “Not yet” or “Not for me” and still be a worthy human being.

Having kids is a serious commitment. We’re not only bringing a flesh in this world, but also a soul that must be cared for, protected, and nurtured. I feel sorry for children who haven’t had the support from their parents or who grew up in chaotic homes. As the saying goes, every child deserves loving parents, but not all parents deserve a child.

As for me, I’m open to both paths of having kids or not. It’s a personal choice for each of us which can be influenced by our values, capacity, and experiences.

If we have a child, I’ll cherish seeing a little blend of me and my husband. If we don’t, that’s good too. It would give is more room to deepen our marriage, invest in the community, travel the world, and focus on meaningful work. Both paths are worthy.

I’m not here to argue for or against having kids. As what I’ve said, the choice is deeply personal. What I do believe is, whatever we choose, we should prepare. That is, preparing for the care, for connections, and for a legacy that reflects our values. Kids are not a guarantee of companionship and being child-free doesn’t mean being alone. Either way, we can build strong networks and homes that make life gentler for us and for the people who love us.